The last few weeks have been... overwhelming.
It's just weird to have these dates, deadlines, countdowns hanging above your head. I feel like I've completely lost my grip on the concept of time. I look at the calendar and it tells me there's four months left, then all of a sudden I wake up and it's here. It's hard for me to put into words.
I want to lay down and put everything on pause for a while, but at the same time I'm on my toes ready to run at a moment's notice. I'm not even sure what I'm so eager to escape anymore. I just know that I'm looking ahead, and it's gorgeous up there.
No matter what, though, I still can't imagine myself missing this dinky farm town overflowing with the overinflated egos of spoiled suburban kids. When I look in the rearview mirror, I won't even remember what regret feels like.
I don't know how I earned so much animosity toward this place, but it's here, and it burns. I'm sick of the same faces, same voices, same bullshit. I'm tired of the flatness of this town, the seething dullness of its sky.
I guess there's something symbolic in my love for the sunset here. The only beauty I can find is in the ending.
But can we just take a second to bask in the glory of the fact that I will be living here soon? I'm still shell-shocked by how quickly and easily my dreams have come together. I will be waking up to palm trees and beaches, the Santa Ynez mountains and paradise weather in just a few months.
I can't believe it. I can't believe it's happened, and that it's happening. I got into my dream school. I'll be living a four minute walk from the beach. I'll be free--
Free from landlocked towns and childish drama, identical faces and the immature mindsets. I'm ready to leave. Okay, I admit, there are a select few traits, a couple of exclusive individuals that I've accepted can't be found elsewhere. But some things are worth letting go.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in this reality. I can't remember how time works, if I was ever taught how it works, if anybody really knows. How can the years pass like colorful blurs, and yet the days drag until I can leave?
It's like suddenly being aware of your breathing. I just need to remember to breathe.